Why You Might Like to Consider Political Campaigning
I started this website to try and alert other women to the dangers of Coercive Control and Narcissistic/Sociopathic abuse. Since I first started putting it together, awareness of this type of abuse, and the devastation it can cause (not just to individuals but to the wider family) has risen exponentially. It has now culminated in the enactment of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 which specifically includes post separation psychological and economic abuse/control. I couldn't be prouder of being a small cog in a huge wheel of amazing women and men who have worked their socks off to bring change and awareness to this specific area of abuse and make it a crime.
Please note that I pay for the hosting of this site out of my own pocket and also handle all enquiries and updates myself, in my spare time, so please be patient if updates take a while. Also, it was predominantly written with women in mind, but I am in no doubt that some men suffer from post-separation abuse and I have included some links for male victims in the resources.
The reason I don't put my name to the site is a) because it's not about me and b)like many women who have left an abusive relationship, I have reason to suspect my abuser will still be monitoring my online accounts, looking for any tiny opportunity to continue to exert his power and control. If my name is not attached to the account or to any of the pictures on here, then Google bots cannot include it in search engines. You may be interested to know that, just before starting this website, I contributed to the Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC), Criminal Justice Joint Inspection report into stalking and harassment. This report was to help the CPS understand all the different facets to stalking and harassment, including post-separation.
Further down the page you can read what I personally did to re-empower myself and recover from abuse. If you click this link #HEARHER you can read other accounts of lived-experience (i.e., survivor accounts).
I specifically chose to use some of the pictures on this page to underline the fact that you cannot judge what is happening with a person simply by looking at the face they present. These were all taken at a time when I was really struggling to want to stay alive as a result of this prior relationship abuse, post-separation control and abuse of power. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD , spent three years in NHS therapy and two years without a home. All this greatly affected my daughter for life too. I hope by maintaining this site I can continue to raise awareness, spur people to activism and help others find the support and justice they need.
Please note that I pay for the hosting of this site out of my own pocket and also handle all enquiries and updates myself, in my spare time, so please be patient if updates take a while. Also, it was predominantly written with women in mind, but I am in no doubt that some men suffer from post-separation abuse and I have included some links for male victims in the resources.
The reason I don't put my name to the site is a) because it's not about me and b)like many women who have left an abusive relationship, I have reason to suspect my abuser will still be monitoring my online accounts, looking for any tiny opportunity to continue to exert his power and control. If my name is not attached to the account or to any of the pictures on here, then Google bots cannot include it in search engines. You may be interested to know that, just before starting this website, I contributed to the Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC), Criminal Justice Joint Inspection report into stalking and harassment. This report was to help the CPS understand all the different facets to stalking and harassment, including post-separation.
Further down the page you can read what I personally did to re-empower myself and recover from abuse. If you click this link #HEARHER you can read other accounts of lived-experience (i.e., survivor accounts).
I specifically chose to use some of the pictures on this page to underline the fact that you cannot judge what is happening with a person simply by looking at the face they present. These were all taken at a time when I was really struggling to want to stay alive as a result of this prior relationship abuse, post-separation control and abuse of power. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD , spent three years in NHS therapy and two years without a home. All this greatly affected my daughter for life too. I hope by maintaining this site I can continue to raise awareness, spur people to activism and help others find the support and justice they need.
Political Campaigning
PLEASE NOTE: this site is completely politically neutral/unbiased.
Domestic Abuse is a cross-party issue
Domestic Abuse is a cross-party issue
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As you can see from the content of this website, women (and men) can only be properly protected from abusive partners if the right legislation is in place AND if those laws are properly applied and enforced.
For many who have managed to break free of a controlling partner, it can be the start of a new phase in their life but can also trigger the start of a search for deeper meaning and purpose. This might be because they need to make sense of why the abuse happened to them. Also a huge proportion of victims are suffering from C-PTSD and the other long-term after effects of having being psychologically abused. Many have felt incredibly disempowered and traumatised and there's a need to rebuild trust in life and others. So, although this is not going to be a path that is suited to everyone, I would like to use this page to ask all women to seriously consider putting their experience to good use and helping to raise awareness about post-separation control and the need for better training and legislation. 
Get Involved
One of the ways that you can do this is by getting involved in politics. Initially there will be no financial reward in it, but the social and personal rewards, as far as making a tangible difference to the lives of others, are huge. It could also eventually lead to a well-paid new career. All you need is a determination to make a difference. Domestic Abuse is a cross-party issue. What this means is that all parties are equally committed to seeing solutions and, on this subject at least, will put differences aside. So, whether you support the Conservatives or Labour or any of the other parties, do read on... When I first got involved in politics I was astounded. I had always believed that everybody - but especially those who were Councillors or MPs - would have obtained a degree in politics or some other associated academic qualification. I also believed they would have worked their way up through a well-defined hierarchy of positions, eventually being eligible to stand as a candidate to become a Member of Parliament, after many years of involvement. That's not exactly the case. The truth is that you don't need specific qualifications, and for many of the MPs and Councillors (and other Public Office positions), politics is not their only career. A great deal of MPs and councillors have other jobs - sometimes several. Being a politician can be a career path for some, but most really do enter into it purely to be of service to the community and public at large. In fact career politicians (those who have never known any other job) are somewhat frowned upon. There is a feeling that those who have been locked in the 'Westminster Bubble' for their entire lives are less likely to have an understanding of how 'the real world' works. No one wants politicans who might be there more for the status and authority that the position bestows, as opposed to it being a true calling to help others, i.e., a strong sense of social justice. So the reality of politics is that it is open to everyone, all you need is a desire to get involved and you can very quickly start making a difference in the lives of others. Now, more than at any other time, more women are being asked to step forward and stand for office. All of your lived experience and your employment experience, whatever the field, can be put to good use. You will have many transferable skills. For men or women, it is perfectly possible to move from having little involvement in politics to standing as a candidate for Parliament, in a very short space of time indeed. I've even known someone do it in just over a year. (Update: A good number of the people I campaigned with are now MPs). Democracy The reason for this is that we live in a democracy: political parties are simply highly organised voluntary organisations and their elected representatives are there to look after the interests of the people. Candidates who stand to become Members of Parliament or in local government (Councillors) need to be drawn from a diverse range of backgrounds so that they represent the interests of the people, and not just those of the elite. Yes, the people who support the process, such as Civil Servants, policy advisors, legal teams and other bureaucrats need to have specific qualifications and experience in their field in order to rise through the ranks - and they get paid handsomely for it and play a huge part in the smooth running of the country. However, just as hereditary peers are born not made, politicians are made not born. Have a look at this video to better understand where MPs 'sit' in the overall structure of political life. |
And then listen to Seema Kennedy - former Parliamentary Private Secretary (PPS) to the former Prime Minister, Theresa May - tell you about her journey into politics.
50:50 Parliament
Whatever party you support, please take a look at this website called 50:50 Parliament, and consider getting involved so that we can get more women elected to political life across the board. If there's an issue you care deeply about like Domestic Abuse, Post-Separation Control, Family Courts, you can make a significant impact. Even if you don't want to stand to be a Councillor or MP there are plenty of other positions where you can help get the policies in place, attend forums, think tanks and APPGs (All Party Parliamentary Groups) and help make a huge difference in the Women's Rights/Abuse arena. I also attend the APPGs on Anti-Corruption, as this is an area that impacts on victims when spouses are able to hide their money in offshore accounts and claim they have little or no income.
For the Conservative Party (as in some other parties) there is a free, comprehensive training programme and support available (and great social events, which will resume post-pandemic). Take a look at The Conservative Women's Organisation and Women2Win
Activism/Campaigning
Becoming an MP or Councillor didn't appeal to me but I was keen to make a difference for abused women, so I joined my local Constituency Association and was elected as a Conservative party officer. I also became a CWO committee member and helped organise and host a wide variety of lunchtime and evening events (large and small) with a wide range of politicians/cabinet members as guest speakers. I attended conferences, worked on election and by-election campaigns, election counts, compiled campaign material; flyers, invitations, videos etc, wrote letters and looked after the social media feeds.
Whatever party you support, please take a look at this website called 50:50 Parliament, and consider getting involved so that we can get more women elected to political life across the board. If there's an issue you care deeply about like Domestic Abuse, Post-Separation Control, Family Courts, you can make a significant impact. Even if you don't want to stand to be a Councillor or MP there are plenty of other positions where you can help get the policies in place, attend forums, think tanks and APPGs (All Party Parliamentary Groups) and help make a huge difference in the Women's Rights/Abuse arena. I also attend the APPGs on Anti-Corruption, as this is an area that impacts on victims when spouses are able to hide their money in offshore accounts and claim they have little or no income.
For the Conservative Party (as in some other parties) there is a free, comprehensive training programme and support available (and great social events, which will resume post-pandemic). Take a look at The Conservative Women's Organisation and Women2Win
Activism/Campaigning
Becoming an MP or Councillor didn't appeal to me but I was keen to make a difference for abused women, so I joined my local Constituency Association and was elected as a Conservative party officer. I also became a CWO committee member and helped organise and host a wide variety of lunchtime and evening events (large and small) with a wide range of politicians/cabinet members as guest speakers. I attended conferences, worked on election and by-election campaigns, election counts, compiled campaign material; flyers, invitations, videos etc, wrote letters and looked after the social media feeds.
During those first few years I met a wide range of Peers, MPs, Ministers,(incl former, current and future Prime Ministers), Police and Crime Commissioners, Special Advisors (SpAds) and candidates and knocked on hundreds of doors across the country, canvassing and speaking to the public about politics. I figured I needed to know how the system worked from within, in order to be effective in my efforts to raise awareness and reach the right ears.
Alongside my political work, I also became an Ambassador for Women's Aid and an Expert by Experience for the charity Surviving Economic Abuse. Both roles involved attending a variety of conferences, APPGs, forums and seminars and putting forward the (non political*) view of survivors. There's no doubt I could do this more effectively as I knew how the system worked and what politicians still needed to understand.
I have also spoken out publicly via media interviews and talks to raise awareness of abuse. I'm proud to have played a part in helping to shape the Draft Domestic Abuse Bill and to help raise awareness with the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) Law professors and politicians about abuse - including divorce abuse and the silencing of abuse - perpetrated by legal professionals and other wealthy individuals (this was a demographic previously often ignored). It's highly rewarding work, you meet some fabulous, caring, highly motivated people who are agents of change and I recommend becoming a campaigner to any survivor of abuse.
Please do get involved. Your voice matters. You can make a difference.
*Please note: charities such as Women's Aid and Surviving Economic Abuse are completely non-political, giving time equally to all parties and furthering their mission of keeping women and children safe.
I have also spoken out publicly via media interviews and talks to raise awareness of abuse. I'm proud to have played a part in helping to shape the Draft Domestic Abuse Bill and to help raise awareness with the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) Law professors and politicians about abuse - including divorce abuse and the silencing of abuse - perpetrated by legal professionals and other wealthy individuals (this was a demographic previously often ignored). It's highly rewarding work, you meet some fabulous, caring, highly motivated people who are agents of change and I recommend becoming a campaigner to any survivor of abuse.
Please do get involved. Your voice matters. You can make a difference.
*Please note: charities such as Women's Aid and Surviving Economic Abuse are completely non-political, giving time equally to all parties and furthering their mission of keeping women and children safe.