Post-Separation Control Issues
​Trauma Bonds, Hidden Assets & More
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Scroll down this page to find sections on Trauma Bonding, Silencing, Stalking, Coerced Debt, Repeated Litigation and Hiding of Assets.

Leaving any controlling partner is always a difficult time. It can also be a dangerous time - please read the warning on the previous page.  Even if your abuser doesn't intend to hurt you physically,  you should be prepared to deal with the psychological and emotional difficulties such as verbal smears, stalking, withholding or manipulation of finances (economic abuse), parental alienation, repeated (vexatious) litigation and other legal abuse, collectively referred to as Post-Separation Control. You can review the laws available to you to deal with an abusive partner here,  and please read what follows below...
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You recognise your partner is a disordered individual who has knowingly inflicted pain upon you, and by extension perhaps, your children.  His behaviour has been inexcusable. You have finally broken free and don't want him back . You are overcome by a mixture of anger, grief and a desire to right the injustice he has perpetrated and the months or years of your life that you feel he has 'stolen' from you. But then, suddenly, a few weeks later you find you are experiencing contradictory emotions that you simply don't know how to process.  You begin to realise that despite it all, you are missing him. You think you might even still love him. You wonder if maybe you've got it all wrong and it's you, not him. You feel ashamed and conflicted about feeling like this.

What is going on? Does this indicate that you are in some way weak or co-dependent, or even mentally ill?

No! It's called Trauma Bonding and you can read all about it here.  Simply click on the image above.

Stonewalling, gaslighting and threats of legal action are all a part of an abusers repertoire. They employ these and other tactics to retain power and control over you and to ensure you are silenced from exposing them.  As one Human Rights lawyer said: "Lady Justice is already blindfolded, she shouldn't be gagged too"
​Read more by clicking above. If you have been legally gagged by a Non-Disclosure Agreement or Confidentiality Agreement that you feel is unfair, please visit this 2021 campaign website

Also known as vexatious litigation, repeated litigation is used by perpetrators to harass, control and subdue their partner.  (Under construction but please click on image)

Disclosure of the correct financial information is crucial to a fair division of funds in divorce.  It is also written in law that there must be full and frank disclosure. Unfortunately,  it is common for an abusive partner to want to ensure that he - and not a Judge -  is in control of division of assets. Read about how he might go about hiding his wealth and playing the system, by clicking above.

Click above to read the article. You can also get an information leaflet on coerced debt at My Money, My Life
If you are in the USA, this article will help you to start to rebuild your finances


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06. Stalking

If you are being stalked you should contact the police and also read through the Suzy Lamplugh Trust website and you can also visit Paladin.  If you are in the UK you can call a helpline via this Government website. In the UK the Police have to follow the College of Policing guidelines and there are a number of PDFs within this one link . I highly recommend you read  through them all, so you can understand how the police are required to view and deal with these matters. If they are not following these guidelines you need to complain.

I have included a PDF below that covers both stalking and harassment.

​Whichever country you are in, please appraise yourself of the stalking screening questions and ensure someone has done a risk assessment with you. It's important to take fixated behaviour seriously, ensure the police have been made aware and understand how to keep yourself safe.  Click on the image to access this PDF.

​Notes and Disclaimer:
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Nothing on this site, on any page, should be taken as legal advice - you should always seek the services of a legal professional. Likewise, nothing on this site should be construed as medical advice. The services of a medical professional or mental health professional should be sought if needed.

All information is provided in good faith to educate the general public, victims and survivors about abuse, and specifically, post-relationship control. Please be aware that some of the content of this site may 'trigger' . 

*The British Crime Survey shows Domestic Abuse to be a gendered issue, however no offence is intended and it is accepted that men may be affected and there may be people of other gender identities to whom this information may apply. Abuse can happen to - and be perpetrated by - anyone, from any sector of the socioeconomic scale.

** It is recognised that Coercive Control can happen in an intimate or familial relationship .