ABUSE TACTICS
Post-Separation Control = any form of violence or abuse perpetrated by an ex-spouse, ex-partner or ex-lover following separation. If it forms a pattern of behaviour that began within the relationship it may constitute the crime of Coercive Control. It is recommended that you read this page in conjunction with the articles on Coerced debt, Silencing, Repeated Litigation and the Hiding of Assets and the page on the different laws available to deal with controlling behaviour. Please pinch to enlarge images if using a mobile device.
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PLEASE NOTE: All the following examples can apply to both sexes. The term 'he' is used throughout but the term 'she' can be substituted.
MORE REAL-LIFE TACTICS
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The following examples are taken from a full account of lived experience submitted by a guest survivor:
— Telling my children that I am a bad person and can’t be trusted
— Writing lies to court officials accusing me of illnesses I don’t have
— Forcing court officials to take me to court about the care of my children based on lies about my conduct
— Calling my daughter’s medicine delivery company and nurse and having her treatment delivery redirected away from our home
— Writing to my male friends and warning them to stay away from me incase I sought a relationship with them (post me asking for a divorce)
— Violating my bank accounts setting up payments to other organisations that were timed to coincide with paying my mortgage and utilities and meant I would be unable to pay my bills and receive fines and damage my credit rating
— Yelling at my children and calling them stupid because they sent me messages asking for my help
— Making a relative contact the local housing authority to try to enforce an eviction of my elderly parents from living in the annexe of my home
— Reporting my husband to the police for ‘kidnapping’ when he walked my daughter from the school office to the school football pitch
— Systematically checking my children’s phones to make sure they aren’t communicating with me and frightening them so they only contact me when they feel they won’t be overheard
— Forcing me to spend £35,000 in two years to attend 20 court hearings to defend my parenting and secure the continuing care that my children both wanted and deserved
— Telling parents of my children’s school friends lies about me and encouraging them to undermine me and assist with the alienation of the children towards me
— Allowing my daughter to be refused water during meals, to have her hands held as she tries to eat and describing this as ‘necessary training’ when I try to intervene to appeal for her rights to be respected
— Never attending medical appointments for the children but asserting that any adult can administer the injection that my daughter needs daily without her consent and when she has specifically asked for it to only be done by her Mum or her Gran.
— Telling my children that I am a bad person and can’t be trusted
— Writing lies to court officials accusing me of illnesses I don’t have
— Forcing court officials to take me to court about the care of my children based on lies about my conduct
— Calling my daughter’s medicine delivery company and nurse and having her treatment delivery redirected away from our home
— Writing to my male friends and warning them to stay away from me incase I sought a relationship with them (post me asking for a divorce)
— Violating my bank accounts setting up payments to other organisations that were timed to coincide with paying my mortgage and utilities and meant I would be unable to pay my bills and receive fines and damage my credit rating
— Yelling at my children and calling them stupid because they sent me messages asking for my help
— Making a relative contact the local housing authority to try to enforce an eviction of my elderly parents from living in the annexe of my home
— Reporting my husband to the police for ‘kidnapping’ when he walked my daughter from the school office to the school football pitch
— Systematically checking my children’s phones to make sure they aren’t communicating with me and frightening them so they only contact me when they feel they won’t be overheard
— Forcing me to spend £35,000 in two years to attend 20 court hearings to defend my parenting and secure the continuing care that my children both wanted and deserved
— Telling parents of my children’s school friends lies about me and encouraging them to undermine me and assist with the alienation of the children towards me
— Allowing my daughter to be refused water during meals, to have her hands held as she tries to eat and describing this as ‘necessary training’ when I try to intervene to appeal for her rights to be respected
— Never attending medical appointments for the children but asserting that any adult can administer the injection that my daughter needs daily without her consent and when she has specifically asked for it to only be done by her Mum or her Gran.
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